Going through life and it's everyday routine keeps me on my toes and never thinking of the negative impacts, only until that moment when I realize that enough is enough. That those things I had been avoiding for so long are not a part of my anguish. My reasons for disappointment begin to make sense and I am no longer at ease with everything just being. I want more. I want what I can't have. I've made sacrifices to accomodate others and am now realizing how that's affected me as a person. While I have no regrets, I've never been able to acclimate to the changes properly. Instead, I inundate myself in the things that bring me joy to avoid confrontation of the inevitable.
When is it okay to hault and stand my ground? To make it known the things that I want? Now. Now is the time I have to give in and realize that I am a woman of great power. I have the ambition and perseverance to create even more success. It's not over for me. I've done my time as the door holder. Now, I'm the leader. My baby boys bring me great joy and I've already taught them what courage is all about and will continue to do so as they grow. Humility is necessary in order for one to look at the bigger picture. No one is perfect. No one does it right the first time around. If they do, it might be the second time around where their performance equals lesser value.
Who I used to be, who I am, and who I want to be are all the same as Tiffany has not changed. I am still the ultimate extrovert, the one who creatively finds new ways to bring others joy to not feel any pain in life for it is blissful. I am still the one who strives to be an example, a role model - not the follower. I do my best in making efforts to lead by example and admit when I'm wrong to learn from my mistakes and promise not to repeat such imperfections.
My next venture is simple. Past accomplishments are plentiful and I could write a novel to exemplify every industry I've tried. What am I doing different now that I didn't do before? Pursue my passion. I've realized how genetically, I've inherited the craving of always seeking the monetary pleasure out of life. The parental unit for which still lives this way 'til this day is unhappy with life and what the result has revealed. No materialistic value can make you happy. It is solely temporary. It satisfies those momental cravings, like a pregnant woman who just wants to eat ice cream or pickles in the middle of the night.
I'm hopeful such aspiration will finally give result. This is the sacrifice aside from my maternal ones that are done from my heart for which I will never hault that is going to make me who I have always wanted to be. I will pursue it with a smile and accept when I fail the first time but will get up again and keep it moving. That's the best way to learn. My babies are my life, my drive and my reason for continued success. They bring out the best of me but one must be healthy and free of toxins. Success in one's eyes has to come from the heart and not from the balance in their checking account. Success has to be the natural pleasure that one seeks in accomplishment.
What results from this, it is unknown. I will keep posted...
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